


Being human sucks

by Itsomnambulist



Series: Nightmares [3]
Category: Lucifer (TV)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Bed-Wetting, Bladder Control, Childhood Trauma, Daddy Issues, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Friendship, Hugs, Hurt/Comfort, Love, Male-Female Friendship, Omorashi, Psychological Trauma, Psychologists & Psychiatrists, Therapy, Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-04
Updated: 2020-11-04
Packaged: 2021-03-08 23:08:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,035
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27384721
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Itsomnambulist/pseuds/Itsomnambulist
Summary: Lucifer feels horrible after the fight with Chloe and also because of his now more common problem, so he ends up going to therapy with Linda to help him clear his mind.
Relationships: Chloe Decker & Lucifer Morningstar, Chloe Decker/Lucifer Morningstar, Linda Martin & Lucifer Morningstar (Lucifer TV)
Series: Nightmares [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1998199
Comments: 6
Kudos: 23





	Being human sucks

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you're liking this series so far, I'm already working on a new one, so keep an eye on notifications :)

That same afternoon and after his fight with Chloe in the penthouse, Lucifer had not been out all day, he had been wandering non-stop around the house, trying to find an explanation for why it had happened again, especially if the Detective had nothing to do with it. He thought about calling Amenadiel and venting to him, looking for answers... but he was too embarrassed to tell his older brother, no way.

He had been receiving calls from Linda all day, who was worried about Lucifer's cancellations, especially after his strange call earlier in the week about an alleged emergency that he never told her about, he was worried that something was not right, and indeed, so it was. Lucifer hadn't answered to any of her calls or messages, not yet, but he would have to do something about it soon, there had to be some solution to his problem, and he needed to find it as soon as possible. He couldn't go to Chloe's daughter every time, besides, it would be suspicious, what answers could a little girl give to the devil himself? Definitely not.

He knew the Detective wasn't around, and not just because he hadn't seen her, but because since she left, his need had completely disappeared. But despite that, he hadn't had more than just one drink all day, and just to avoid dehydration. He had watched at least three movies to distract himself, but he was beginning to get stressed from being home. In other circumstances he would have gone down to the Lux and ventured with one or more of the usual girls, but for some strange reason, he felt that if he did that, he would be betraying, cheating on Chloe, and he would never do that.

It was beginning to get dark, and what he had been avoiding all day was beginning to become more real, to come closer. The simple act of going to sleep and risking waking up drenched again made him panic, so he made a pretty bad decision, but one that seemed brilliant to him. He decided (as in 3x20) not to sleep all night, if he didn't sleep, he didn't pee, it was perfect, or it seemed perfect to him. The problem was that Lucifer, although not as much as humans, needed to sleep like everyone else, especially considering that he had not had much rest for several days due to nightmares, another problem to add to the list.

Despite not wanting to unnecessarily fill his bladder, one of the ways he found to keep from falling asleep was alcohol and drugs, plus TV shows and hot lines, that wasn't fooling the Detective, was it?

It didn't take long for the sun to come out, Lucifer was very, very tired, but he had managed not to sleep, the problem was that he did not know how long he would be able to endure like this, he was the devil, but even he had his limits, and it had been a long time since he needed to rest. All of this was running through his head as he had lain on the couch, only for about two minutes at most, but long enough to woke him when his phone started ringing.

The first thing he did was put his hand to his crotch, feeling totally embarrassed as soon as he did so, removing it quickly relieved when he noticed his suit pants were dry, answering the phone. If he had seen that the call was from Linda, he probably would not have answered, he would let it ring, but he was too sleepy to think. His eyes completely red from sleep and just waking up. His husky voice over the phone:

"The devil speaks." He said puzzled, not really knowing who was on the other end of the line.

"Lucifer? Thank God, are you okay? I've been calling you all week, but you weren't answering and I was worried." Linda said, relieved to hear his voice.

Lucifer cleared his throat but did not respond to the Doctor.

"Lucifer? Are you okay?" Linda said much more concerned now.

"Doctor, I need help." It was the only thing Lucifer was able to say, he could not lie, nor try to escape from reality, he was too tired. Truth be told, he would have ended up calling the doctor at some point. His voice sounded about to break, if not broken already.

"Of course." It was the only thing Linda said in response, she knew something was wrong and that the six foot man needed her help, she just wanted to help him.

Lucifer dressed, arranged himself as much as possible, even put on a bit of makeup on the little dark circles under his eyes, although it was evident from a distance that he was carrying a significant lack of sleep. Before leaving he went to the urinal of his bathroom and tried to empty his bladder, he knew that not a drop would come out, but he had drunk a lot of whiskey, and after what happened the night before, he did not know what to believe.

He came to Linda's office and decided to go to the office bathrooms, just to see if his eyes were still red, he didn't want Linda to find out that he had cried. But once inside, he wish he was able to empty his bladder, it didn't feel full or empty, but it would still take a load off his shoulders. So when he came out of the men's room, the receptionist called Lucifer for his session:

"Lucifer, you've come, sit down, you know, this is a safe place." She said trying to sound as familiar as possible to make him feel calm, since she had noticed he was quite nervous.

Lucifer did as she told him and began to play with his own sweaty hands while he was distracted by his own thoughts, he still felt as if his forehead was carrying a huge sign with the words "I have wet the bed twice", it was horrible as well that he tried to avoid looking into her eyes as he waited for her to start speaking.

"Lucifer?" She said noticing that he was quite dispersed.

"Yes?" He said coming out of the trance, not quite sure what he was responding to.

"You told me on the phone that you needed help, but if you don't tell me what it's about I'm afraid I can't help you Lucifer." She said with a certain motherly tone, knowing that it calmed him down.

"Yeah, well, there's something that... has been going on, and... I'd like to know how to make it never happen again." Lucifer said a little embarrassed.

Linda was a little worried about Lucifer's bad appearance, he seemed lost and exhausted, but instead of bringing it up, she thought it was better to wait for him to explain himself.

"What has been going on? I need more information to try to solve the problem together." Linda said kindly, a bit sad for the devil, since he hadn't made a joke since he had entered, he seemed really stressed and nervous.

"It's just... it's a bit- I don't know how-" Lucifer said trying to tell her but not being able to articulate the words, he was too ashamed to talk about it or say it out loud.

"Lucifer, you can tell me anything, no matter how embarrassing it is, I've probably already heard it at least ten times, it's my job, I know this kind of things can be slightly embarrassing to tell out loud, but I need you to help me help you." Linda said trying to smile approvingly at him.

"Shame? I'm not ashamed..." he said nervous and a little red, trying to hide it.

"Lucifer, I am a psychologist, I analyze people, hands intertwining fingers over and over again, touch with the foot, avoid looking into the eyes, okay, you can trust me, not only as a doctor, but as a friend." Linda said sincerely with a tender smile.

"Okay... a couple of days ago, a week exactly, I had an... accident." Lucifer said finally, saying the last word in a very low voice.

"An accident? And are you okay? Was it serious?" Linda said worried now.

"No, not that kind of accident..." Lucifer said dead of shame.

"Oh... I see, for some apparent reason? Or did you just decided to hold it for too long?" Linda said trying to connect the dots.

"In my bed." Lucifer said with slightly wet eyes, fighting the urge to cry.

"I see, Lucifer, that is something very normal, believe it or not, it can happen to anyone, you should not feel ashamed about it, do you think there could be a trigger? I thought I had ever heard that you could only urinate if you where close to Chloe, was she with you?" Linda said writing down things in her notebook while paying attention to Lucifer.

"Well I thought that too, but that night I had drunk a lot, and coming home alone I went to bed straight away without going through the bathroom, I didn't even realize it was that bad, but usually when I walk away from the Detective, the need disappears, but that time it didn't" Lucifer said a little more openly this time, really hoping that the doctor could help him.

"That could be the reason, although normally when these things happen, it tends to be deeper, there is usually something inside us that worries us, wakes us up, and ends up being reflected in the sheets." Linda said hoping Lucifer would give her some more useful detail. Lucifer blushed for this last part. "Was it the feeling that made you wake up, or is there something else you are not telling me?" Linda said thinking she may had found something.

"Well... actually... there are dreams that happen to me sometimes..." he said in a low voice without wanting to talk about the subject that he wanted so much to avoid.

"Dreams? What kind?" Linda says very attentive to the devil's answers, who seemed to get smaller with each question.

"Bad dreams, nightmares actually." Lucifer says at last.

"Is that what I was assuming, and does it happen often or just on that occasion?" Linda asked trying to break that shell the man carried every time he had to open a little.

"Sometimes, well, quite a few times, every day, every night actually, it's horrible, I hate it." Lucifer said starting to shake a little.

"Okay, let's start at the beginning, what those nightmares are about? I'm trying to figure out the trigger, although if you say it only happened once, maybe it could be a simple isolated accident." Linda said to him.

"Well actually..." Lucifer said turning completely red as he recalled the humiliating and traumatic event that same morning.

"Lucifer, what did we talk about at the beginning? This is a safe place, but I need you to do your part, you have nothing to be ashamed of." Linda said kindly trying to reassure the poor Lucifer, who was getting more nervous each second.

"It wasn't just once, last night... it happened again, but the Detective wasn't around! I don't get it!" Lucifer said stressed, messing up with his mind.

"It's okay Lucifer, it's totally okay, we'll get to the epicenter of this problem, this was just what I needed to know, because it may be related to the nightmares." She said now almost certain that she was about to find out. "The nightmares, I need you to tell me what they are about, if you remember."

"Oh Doctor, I remember very well. They always have to do with my father, and with death, hopefully with the death of my father, but it is with the death of people that I care under the hands of my father, without me being able to do nothing to prevent it. I can't do anything, I let them die." Lucifer says clenching his fist and his eyes watery.

"Lucifer calm, let's see, I think I can have a solution, or at least an explanation." Linda said smiling kindly. "I think the fact that it happened to you even when Chloe was not there was because in your dreams, watching your loved ones die, makes you feel powerless, impotent" Linda says, forgetting who she was talking to.

"That's impossible, impotence sure isn't." He says raising an eyebrow trying to make the joke, although he was not yet in top form and in his usual joy.

Linda rolled her eyes.

"But not only that, not only impotence, also vulnerability, you feel vulnerable in front of your father, and that makes all your new human functions work again. You drink a lot during the day, and under normal conditions, your bladder would be very full, and going to bed with a full bladder clearly leads to situations like this. Also, nightmares induce fear, and fear affects our body in many ways, one of which is the loss of control of our bladder." Linda says coming to the question kit.

"I'm not afraid, do I look like the kind of person who's afraid of his daddy?" Lucifer says turning his eyes red on purpose.

"Lucifer, being scared is fine, it's normal, and in your case it's understandable, your father doesn't seem... exactly friendly." Linda says feeling some pity for him.

"No, he's not. But I'm not scared, it's just... that-" Lucifer said without being able to finish the sentence.

"What Lucifer? Tell me what do you feel? How does he make you feel?" Linda says taking the opportunity to get the honest answer that they both needed.

"Little." Lucifer says dropping a tear down his cheek, a mix between sadness and anger. "Very weak."

"That's it Lucifer, we have it, and I think I know how to help you with your little problem." Linda says happy for the man, realizing that at the moment that Lucifer needed more a friend than a diagnosis. Approaching him, sitting next to him in the coach and hugging the devil, who did not hesitate for a second to reciprocate, burying his face on her shoulder. Linda could have had her heart ripped out and stepped on, breaking it into a thousand pieces, and it would have hurt less than seeing her friend like this. "Thank you," he said in a very low voice, almost a whisper in Linda's arms, but loud enough for her to hear him. She didn't say anything, just smiled.

A couple of minutes passed, Lucifer was better and Linda calmer, it was then that they decided to return each one to their place and resume the session, which was passing the established time, something that Linda knew and had completely ignored for her friend.

"So... what can I do to avoid going back to...? You know..." Lucifer said embarrassed about to say what he didn't wanted to, but Linda knew.

"I think we're going to do one thing, it may seem absurd to you, but I think that if you do it right, it will work, maybe not immediately, but little by little." Linda says sure of her idea.

"Please." Lucifer said desperately.

"Okay, the problem is that you feel that you are weak in front of your father, the truth is that that is not true, look at all that you have achieved Lucifer, by yourself, without his help. You have a lot on your side of wonderful people willing to help you. Right now the only difference is that he does not know that he has failed, and what you have to do is tell him." Linda says.

"I can't go back to Silver City, even if I wanted to, besides, they don't want me there." He said a bit sad.

"I do not mean literally, tell him, shout it out, if he wants, he will listen to you. Only then you can get rid of that burden, and with it, everything that is causing you." Linda says kindly with that motherly tone back.

"And do you think that if I do... what you say, my problem will be solved?" He says.

"Yes, if you really want to, if you really are." Linda says firmly.

"I want to do it, I really want to do it, I don't want to pee the bed every bloody night, I'm the devil, no one will take me seriously then. And even worse, Chloe." He says without remembering the morning altercation at the time.

"Great then, although if it happens again don't beat yourself up, please, okay? Remember that making mistakes is part of being human, and if you want to be more human with the people you love, you will have to deal with all kinds of things" Linda says.

"Being human sucks..." says Lucifer annoyed.

"It does." Linda says chuckling lightly, eliciting a giggle from Lucifer as well. "Lucifer, can I ask you something?" Linda said suddenly.

"Of course you can Doctor, go ahead." Lucifer says much more open and relaxed now.

"The other day, when you came to my house to bring me medicine, was this the issue that worried you so much?" Linda said considering the fact tender.

"Maybe" Said the devil blushing.

"Well, you know Lucifer, that both as a friend and as your psychologist, you can tell me anything that worries you, regardless of the caliber of the matter. I will never make fun of you." Linda says kindly.

"I know" Lucifer says very cute and grateful.

"And how are things with Chloe? Is everything going smoothly? A little bird told me that you slept together." Linda says very funny.

"Bloody Amenadiel... when I see him I will punch him in his mysterious ways." Lucifer says annoying very cute.

"Okay, I'm very happy for you, how was everything with her then?" Linda says waiting for answers that Chloe had already told her in advance, although without giving all the details.

It was then that Lucifer realized what he had done that morning, and guilt caught up with him.

"I think I've screwed it all up."


End file.
